Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse Embrace the Conservative Agenda

Here’s some levity at the expensive of those we most love to loathe. I’m sure you will enjoy my relating members of the Conservative Coalition to the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

Yes Virginia, there really are Four Horsemen. What no one knows but the two of us is that they played to pact houses back in the days of Vaudeville. It seems that Conquest came up with the idea about 1888 but all four got into it with a great deal of enthusiasm.

They called their Vaudeville act The Four Vaqueros of the Apocalypse. They apparently were quite taken by the elaborate leather carvings with silver inlay of the saddles of the Vaqueros in the early days of Spanish settlements of Northern Mexico and Southwestern United States.

They played to pact houses back in the days of Vaudeville. Especially popular were their comedy routines and improv ability at pocking fun at political celebrities.

However, when Vaudeville finally closed its doors for the last time the Four Vaqueros went looking for some meaningful employment in their line of expertise. It seems that Famine came up with the idea to hire out to a Ranchero.

They already knew the ends and outs of ranch life and with the entertainment experiences they had no problems getting hired.

So today they ride for the Apocalypse spread in the Sonoran Dessert of Mexico where Mrs. Apocalypse says, “I’d rather employ them any day of over any of those panty waste Texans.”

She hires only the best riders and wranglers and besides, with their Vaudeville experiences back at the turn of the 20th century, they can not only ride and rope but sing on key to some rousing tunes like The Streets of Laredo, Bury the Hatchet in the Old Man’s Head and Take Me Out to the Old Slaughter Game.

Now, with the jokers of the Conservative Coalition, exemplified so well by the Trump Administration, they present such a magnificent source of humor, sarcasm, and jokes, the 4 Vaqueros couldn’t resist my suggestion to come out of retirement; the stipulation being only if they could choose which buffoon would play the part for each one of them. Here’s the Four Horsemen’s selections:

Asides #1 & 2 Here:

The appropriate nomenclature for these four horsemen and their specialities are as follows: Conquest/Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death. And the appropriate loyal party hack from the Conservative Agenda to be designated for each of the four are as follows:

Oligarchs will be Conquest/Pestilence with Jeff Bezos as their go to nerd who wins by a unanimous decision in a five round head basher against Donald himself. As best as my sources have been able to determine, Jeff is busy making plans to fly to the moon and back in a hot air ballon. We send our best wishes to a brave and adventurous soulless individual and wish him well once he gets past the Troposphere. Jeff, it gets cold up there so be sure and have your significant other pack your long johns.

Trump Administration would naturally be War. Who better than Associate Justice of the Supreme Court Ms Amy Coney Barrett first among the millions of Trump's minions and sycophants; she beats out Hegseth by a slim margin. My sources close to the world of fashion say Amy could use a good hairdresser if she wants to be noticed at the Academy Awards; as for Hegseth, well, just about anything would be an improvement.

ICE would be Death and the voting is, again, close; there are so many losers in the Trump Administration but with the tie breaking vote, the Vaqueros determined Pamela Blondie, our august Attorney General, gets the nod over Kristi Noem of Homeland Security; mainly because Pamela is second only to Amy Coney Barrett among sycophants of all those in the running, which, of course, are legion.

“Huh? I got the name wrong?” I say.

“Dummy, her name isn’t Blondie, it’s Bondi. Blondie is a musical group or a Cartoon Character.” My interlocutor informed me of my tactical error and political incorrectness.

“Well go figure! I just thought Pamela’s name is Blondie because of the color of her hair and the fact she is such a clown, at least in public. How am I to know otherwise?” I was quite amazed at the mistake I made.

“If you’d pay a little more attention to all the publicity Pam is getting for her ridiculous bashing of the US Constitution then you would know how to spell her name correctly.

”Also, she doesn’t like it when people call her Pamela. If I was you young jokester, I’d be careful, she might turn you over to ICE for suitable punishment in one of their Concentration Camps, where you would be subjected to unimaginable, and to them, justifiable torture.

“You just are no longer allowed the freedom of speech or pursuit of happiness.” My interlocutor continued.

At this point my interlocutor left me with the following in mind for my edification:

Pam is noted for some spectacular sleight-of-hand machinations in misinterpreting the Constitution of the United States by threatening law-abiding citizens, defending murderers and in general making an absolute pest of herself.

Gee, I wonder if Pamela will have me arrested for levity? I don't doubt humorous writing is ant-Trump, and anti-whatever fits her mindlessness; the Conservatives do have so many things they are against, including intelligence, taking First Place in their idiocy.

I’m going to have to work up an appropriate cartoon of the whole shooting match of the Trump Administration simpletons. Stay tuned for some more light-hearted levity in future Posts.

Conservative Agenda is Famine. The nod here has to go to Karoline Leavitt, she's the would be leader of Packer fans in MAGA land. I believe Karoline is currently top croupier at Trump Towers and plays a mean Three-Card Monty (be careful, I hear she’d rather cheat than lose in a fair contest, even to Trump).

Aside #3 Here:

At the table I believe she wears a green and gold jacket and sports a dashing Cheesehead-shaped beret keeping in tune with her Packer predilections. Well at least for the colours, but I also believe berets are more in the French style of caps. I also don’t know if she is of Packer parentage, but then it doesn’t really matter, she’s a great buffoon just like her Master (of Ceremonies).

These are the four most popular among the Horsemen but there are thousands of equally grubby and sleazy candidates; and speaking of sleazy there is also Doc, Dopey, Sneezy, Grumpy, Happy, Bashful, and Sleepy. I wonder…

“What was that you just said?”

My interlocutor, once more pointing out another error. I’ve go to get rid of him, he’s making me paranoid like La Trump.

“Oh, I get it now! It seems I've been in error, again put in my place and otherwise chastised about the head and shoulders area. The above seven are legitimate characters who are associated with the pillar of niceness and good taste, Mr Walt. I stand, sit and lie (as in prone and not in the general tenor of the liars in Washington D.C.) corrected.

Let it be noted that there was no sleazy in Walt's story of Snow White & the Seven. So my sincere apology to all who enjoy watching Walt's marvelous movies, especially Fantasia.

Aside #4 Here:

The  Four Horseman of prophecy symbolize the various catastrophic events that many believe will appear at the end of time, as they of course represent the destructive forces that will be unleashed upon humankind.

Aside #5 Here:

NOTE: If you are into religion be my quest, no big deal for me. But my point is that our home grown imposters are doing their best to bring about the destruction of the United States of America, rob us of our freedom and right to choose our own way of life.

Up to now they are indeed doing a good job. It is up to the anti-Conservatives to put a stop to their dishonesty, much of which is being done behind closed doors given the delicacy the Oligarchs feel about exposure to the citizenry.

I cannot at this time specify the names of those involved in trying to destroy our country behind these closed doors. I'm not an investigative reporter, as such I’m not in a position on how to ferret out the names and identities of those who are calling the shots, that is, the big cheeses; like cheddar, Swiss, limburger and the many other fine cheeses around the world.

It might be members of the Oligarchy and/or Republican Cadre running the Conservative Dog-and-Pony Show, then again it could be aliens from Lower Slobbovia (hats off to Al Capp).

Aside #6 Here:

Regardless, some group of men are behind the terror being perpetrated on the citizenry of the United States.

Trump and his acolytes are no where near smart enough to have orchestrated all that has gone on since he took office again in 2025.

Besides, the Conservatives have been planning their conquest of America for near 60 years, ever since that stalwart of decency, Spiro T (no news is Agnews) Agnew.

Whomever represents the braintrust behind the years of perversive and deceptive machinations tragically do possess sufficient intelligence to accomplish what they have been able to do to date.

Think long and hard about it. We are on the verge of a doomsday that isn't the actual end of time as in Biblical scripture but for everyone, including the Conservatives (though they will deny it could happen to them) it will be the end of individual freedom unless we act together and stem, then finally stop the efforts of the Conservative Agenda juggernaut which is primed and set to steamroll our freedom and in too many cases, our lives, if ICE is any indication of where the leadership of the Far Right is heading. Which of course will play directly into the planned pogrom of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse–(Conquest/Pestilence, War, Famine, and Death.

Aside #1: & Aside #2:

Examples of the many Trumpo Faces he projects depending on the situation. This is a truly hilarious part of his Trumpish behavior, mostly bad; but then they are such a rich source of significant material for commenting on his foolishness.

- Talk about mana from heaven for any enterprising Political Cartoonist!!!

- Gee, I wonder if Gary Larson would be willing to take up the gauntlet of publishing a few ‘good humor’ cartoons about our favorite guy in the Easy Money Game? Maybe another “Donald Trump Ear” is in the offing?

News Alert: Now Hegseth is following his masters lead and making “stern faces.”

I often wonder what it would be like to be a toady for someone. I think I’d be terribly embarrassed and nauseated doing so. However, it does’t seem to bother a lot of people in our nation’s capitol; in fact they seem lined up and ready to humiliate themselves on the alter of stupidity.

Aside #3: Three-card monte is a gambling game where a dealer shows three cards, shuffles them, and invites players to bet on which card hides a specific target card, usually a queen. It is a confidence trick designed to deceive players into thinking they can win, but they have no real chance of success.

Sounds a lot like our best buds, No?

Aside #4:

I won't tell you why Fantasia is my favorite since doing so might get me in Dutch with the Pamela, given what I was on when I went to a theater in Denver back in 1969 with some old army pals. Needless to say, I had a very different experience watching the crocs carry the hippos off to lord knows where. It was a real "Trip" let me tell you! Try it MAGAs, you’ll like it.

Before you get self-righteous on me, I’ll point out that a great many of you are addicted to opioids, deny it all you want but I am sure about the truth of what I say.

Aside #5

NOTE ALSO: The Horsemen are rooters for all manner of destruction coming from the MAGAs, they would certainly enjoy riding once again among them; after all, it was their favorite pass time: pillage, loot and rapine. They gave up these activities when they went into Vaudeville and so they are really hoping that the Far Right idiots will give them the excuse they have been looking for for the past one-hundred years.

I believe they are, “Chomping at the bit?“

Aside #6:

Lower Slobbovia (also sometimes Outer, Inner, Central, Upper or Lowest Slobbovia) is a fictional country portrayed as underdeveloped, socially backward, remote, impoverished or unenlightened. First coined by Al Capp in 1946, the term has also been used by Americans to refer in an informal way to any foreign country of no particular distinction. It is also, my sources tell me, the Homeland of Far Right Idiots.

Slobbovia sounds a lot like MAGA country.

At least I think I’m funny, but you be your own judge. If there is enough of a groundswell of approbation I may take my comedy act on the road and see if it will play in Peoria, or even Terre Haute if I’m really lucky.

When will I receive my Oscar? Maybe when Ms Amy Coney Barrett attends the Oscars next month she will present me with a Lifetime Achievement Award.